Christmas and New Year 2006

I have to say I was never looking forward to staying in Japan this year for Christmas and New Year. This would be the first Christmas for me to be away from home, without an actual plan to go somewhere or do something (like Thailand and Taiwan in 2004).

This year I was planning to stay in Japan and not waste over £1,000 on flying home and thus, waste money that I could have spent on fees for University next year. It turns out I still spent more than I’d planned anyway, although primarily this was because I have put on a bit of weight since moving to Hamada and moving in with Benji, who has a car. I found that in late Nov/early Dec I could not fit into any of my Benetton trousers, which I wear to work, without my gut attempting to escape via the fly…not a particularly attractive sight. I was forced to buy newer (gulp) bigger trousers at the retail outlet in Hiroshima where there is a ‘NEXT’ shop (a British brand). It’s quite depressing putting on weight BEFORE Christmas has even arrived.

This would be a very different Christmas for me, too. Benji was going back to America for a wedding and my other friends all went home. I’m of course like most people, simply used to being surrounded by people at Christmas. ‘I can do it!’ I thought ‘I’m a grown up now!’

Anyway, I took part in some Christmassy things. I made ‘Calennig’ (Welsh Xmas/New Year) decorations with my English club. The girls in my English club always look slightly bemused and bewildered with everything I ever do. They are quite possibly the most shy and timid girls in Japan. It’s always an uphill struggle communicating, so I have to ‘find a happy place’ and fight the urge to shout ‘FOR GODS SAKE! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO BORING! CANT YOU GO OUT AND REBEL AND PERHAPS IN THE PROCESS DEVELOP A PERSONALITY SO THAT YOU ARE MORE FUN AND INTERESTING AND THEN I WOULDN’T MIND GIVING UP MY WEDNESDAY EVENINGS SITTING IN A FREEZING PRE-FAB HUT STRUGGLING TO ENTERTAIN YOU!’. But of course I am far too polite and well-mannered to execute such ghastly behavior! Anyway, I also made them a roast lunch during the last week of term and organized a ‘Secret Santa’…So I can’t be that evil.

I prepared my usual Christmas lessons with my special ‘Gaikkoku’ (foreign) candy prizes….which were bought exclusively in Hiroshima….shhhhhhhh. I show them a really depressing and graphic John Lennon music video (Happy Xmas…War is Over) which was re-edited by Yoko Ono in 2003 and tell then that they are damn lucky to live in rich Japan, because for the rest of the world, Christmas blows. The students were all eerily shocked and silent, and you could choke on the fumes of guilt. Then I had them write ‘Wishes for the World’ on little ‘peace angels’ (an Idea from a Canadian girl, Koren who used to work in a nearby town). Some of the kids wrote really thoughtful messages in English and they ALL tried really hard. One of the kids wanted to send the angels to an NGO or to Amnesty, but of course I quickly informed him that this was outside of my work remit and for god’s sake, it was bloody Christmas! I was going to be far too busy preparing my feast and shopping for presents – Duh! ;-) In my visiting school I made reindeers and snowmen with my special needs classes and showed them ‘The Snowman’ which is a cartoon made in 1981 by the English animator and cartoonist ‘Raymond Briggs’. ‘The Snowman’ cartoon is shown every year at Christmas in the U.K.

Benji and Rebecca and I organized a Christmas dinner for ALT’s in our town before everyone left for winter break. We ordered a big fat Turkey and a Ham from the Foreign Buyers Club in Japan and various parents sent the missing items and ingredients needed for a successful Christmas dinner. Rebecca’s mother sent traditional British Christmas crackers….not the type you have with cheese. Crackers are kind of ‘party poppers’ but with a hat, a joke and a toy inside. I was surprised that American’s don’t have them, although I expect if they did there’d be 20-ounce steaks or hand guns inside.

All ALT’s chipped in and we had some amazing food including Gratin, roast spuds, roast veg, mashed spuds, gravy, trifle, chocolate mousse, Austrian biscuits and eggnog. Some members of the local Board of Education were having a meeting in the same building with some exchange students who’d been to America on a study trip. We invited them in because we had so much food and they ended up having a very decent Xmas lunch and of course they discovered the joy and surprise of a British Christmas cracker!

For my Christmas day, I invited Mario and Barbara and my co-worker Tateishi Sensei. I cooked a really simple roast of two small (Brazilian!) Chickens and of course the customary mash, veg and gravy. Barbara made some fruit salad and Mario and I polished off a few bottles of wine. It was very nice company, so I’m glad I was kept busy on the day! The next day, I was supposed to be at work but I went in for the morning meeting before escaping and going home at 11am, tactfully hiding my bag and sneaking out the back entrance in a James Bond-type move…One should be able to recover peacefully from a Christmas hangover, I think. After all it is a religious festival, so it’s perfectly within my rights; I feel….even though I’m technically not a practicing (or believing) Christian…

Between Christmas and New Year I went up to see Hitomi Takeshita, my old Japanese teacher/gossip merchant from Hirata where I used to live. I hadn’t seen her since July, so it was nice to catch up. She was having a nabe (Japanese broth/stew) party and her daughter Naho was home from University and she wanted me to meet her. Naho had brought her friend Arisa and Steven, ALT from Kyoto (originally from Pittsburg, USA). Naho studies English at a prestigious University in Kyoto where they study Shakespeare every day and write and direct monologues and performances in English as part of their studies.

Her friend Arisa was hilarious music student, with bags of personality. It was snowing heavily when I arrived in Shobara, Hitomi’s town and Izumo was covered in snow. As soon as I walked through the door, Naho and Arisa were already shrieking ‘KAWAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!’ (CUTE!) at me. I hate being described at ‘cute’, it’s so embarrassing! We had fun drinking and eating and then the next day we went to Yurari Onsen (Yurari Hot Spring) which is lovely.

The wind was blowing a gale and it was snowing lightly but the outside Onsen was toasty warm and very atmospheric and Japanese. I got that serene feeling of ‘Ahhhhhhhh I’m in Japan and I’m at peace with the world’-type feelings – you know? After that we went to Izumo Taisha shrine – the shrine of love and happiness. It was freezing and I couldn’t feel my feet but it was lovely and I discovered a new part of the Shrine grounds which I didn’t know existed. I saw a very inspirational tablet probably written by some starry-eyed girl, a message about her other half/prospective love which said ‘Shin demo Daisuki’ (I’ll love you till I die!). It was so romantic. See…All you need is love!

Of course being away from Benji at any time feels unnatural and weird. We spend so much time together that we’re simply not used to being apart. I was dreading Christmas and New Year, but I made it through in one piece and I’ll look forward to him coming back tomorrow (the 5th January). I have missed him so much. I got to speak to him a lot though while he was away, and even his friends – Dirty Eric, Nina and Darcy. I do hope some of them will come and visit us in the U.K. I couldn’t help but laugh when Benji told me he already has a back pack full of food, ready to bring back to Nihon. Benji really is a creature of comfort. He is particularly sensitive to the crap-ness of Japanese food and this frustrates him more than most. I try to comfort him by making sure we have good home-cooked meals and apart from Thursday (Sushi night) eat as little Japanese food as possible! I look forward to seeing what American Culinary delights Benji has brought back from his native land…perhaps some microwavable processed sausage on a stick covered in cookie dough? They’re real! I saw them on ‘The Daily Show’.

I am however, most shocked of all to learn that Benji has actually bought a pair of trainers! NIKE TRAINERS – Benji! I couldn’t believe it! Apparently, he is going to use them to go running! I was both shocked and proud at such a bold attempt at a New Year Resolution. Maybe I should take a leaf out of Benji’s book. I should join him! We should go running together! I could get us matching tracksuits! I’m sure Benji will be thrilled…

Read more!

ASS(et) Management during the Japanese Winter

There are a number of reasons why my health has taken a back seat and why unfortunately my ass is growing at a rather alarming speed…

The Japanese stubbornly refuse to actually ‘get with the programme’ like the rest of the world and HEAT and INSULATE their homes. Their ideas of energy conservation are to NOT have central heating in their freezing buildings, instead they prefer to choke and poison themselves by using KEROSONE STOVES! Ha! Yes, I kid you not…and In order to avoid carbon monoxide poisoning, they OPEN THE WINDOW in order for the fumes to escape…so when it is minus 5 degrees outside, they…OPEN THE WINDOW…!?!

So OK, we can learn to live with that, perhaps…BUT they refuse to have double glazing and thick walls and insulation, instead preferring to use paper, wood and hardboard to build houses. If they at least insulated, they could save energy, but no… Some schools and offices HAVE Air conditioning units that also double as heating systems, however they have to ASK THEIR SUPERIORS and have consultations and meetings about if it’s cold/hot enough to warrant ‘wasting energy’ by putting on the Air-Con/Heater.

Many people bring fleece blankets to work to place over their legs or have these sticky strips called ‘Kairo’ which you can stick to your back, your legs or your feet and your body causes a chemical reaction in the Kairo, which self-heats and warms that part of your body. When one day in work, I was visibly SHAKING and faltering when I was speaking due to the cold, I was given a Kairo by my teacher. She told me to stick it in my lower back, above my liver. ‘If your liver is warm, your body will be warm’, she said. She was right, it worked but I thought to myself ‘In a country where they have the most advanced technology in the world, why are people forced to use Kairo sticky strips to keep warm?’

So anyway, most Japanese homes have this thing called a Kotatsu. It’s a table with a removable top, where a blanket is placed underneath and a heater underneath creates a cosy ‘cocoon’ for you to out you legs and chest if you wish.

Japanese people refuse to ‘conform to Western tastes’ and get comfortable, cosy furniture. Instead, they use a cushion or a mat to sit on a hardwood floor. There is relatively little ‘lounging’ in Japanese homes, probably because most people work obscene hours and get very little free time to actually enjoy for themselves (heaven forbid they should bring shame on themselves by leaving work when they are supposed to or perhaps take their allotted time off!). I tend to use a ‘legless chair’ to place under the Kotatsu and enjoy the zen-like experience of being back in the womb!

HOWEVER the problem for most people is that once you’re under the Kotatsu, it’s very difficult to summon the motivation and energy to get back out. In the past, I’ve actually held in my pee and thought ‘Screw the weekly shop, it’s too cold to go out…’ I’m sure people must have dehydrated to death under the Kotatsu. There are urban legends of people burning their pubes under their Kotastu and Kotatsu’s also come with a manufacturer’s health and safety warning ‘Do NOT sleep under the Kotatsu!’

However, during his first year, Benji DID indeed burn himself ‘in a private area’ due to the Kotatsu being turned up too high. The area blistered and the doctor said it was similar to third degree burns. This very long winded point is anyway supposed to inform you that the reason why my ass is growing at an accelerated speed is because it is too goddamn cold to get my ass out of the Kotatsu and go exercise outside. I hate going outside anyway, to do so in the cruel Japanese winter is extra salt in the wound.

Another reason for my slug-like state of late is that my school is close to my apartment, as it was in Hirata BUT when I do my school visits, I no longer have to walk/cycle a total of 60 mins to get to my school and back, instead take a bus from right outside my house then get off right in front of my visiting school. The exercise sessions I was forced to take to get to my old visiting schools was plenty to keep me from growing love handles, but sadly those days are gone. When I go shopping, I no longer cycle 30 mins to go to the superstore, instead hop in the Suzuki and nip over to ‘Trial (Japanese Walmart, but crapper). Of course, my dance classes stopped when my dance buddies selfishly left Japan to go back to Amsterdam and Hawaii.

When it comes to exercise, I am a social butterfly; I prefer to communicate with people as I am doing it…a pleasant distraction from the task at hand, if you will. Also, I think the associated guilt of missing out on a group visit to ‘body toning class’ or Yoga is a positive thing. It stops you giving up quite so soon. But really, who is there to stop me from NOT exercising, now? Benji is allergic to physical activity-induced sweating. He really is more of an Arts and Crafts person than a Gym person, and as a consequence I believe the last time he wore a pair of trainers was in 1986.

Lastly, the internet had been both a pleasure and a pain. A pleasure in that I have not paid for a movie or a CD since possibly the end of 2005 and I am able to download and watch TV shows and movies in the ‘comfort’ of my Japanese apartment. A pain in that really, it has made me shrink into myself and cut myself off. The combination of the Kotatsu and the Internet has been the lethal nail in my social coffin. Quite often Benji and I will be on separate computers watching separate shows. It really is the height of geekiness. Whatever is the world coming to? Is this the future of family life? When we catch ourselves being anti-social, we always laugh, but it’s a scary thought.

With Benji away this holiday, I had many days where I would literally spend up to 9 hours staring in a somewhat demonic, foam-mouthed manner at the computer screen. Sometimes I wouldn’t even bother getting changed or showered. Instead lie there greasy-haired having my soul sucked out of me whilst I devoured Season 10 of friends, Season 11 of Frasier, the 3rd Season of Six Feet Under, the Fifth Series of Scrubs and numerous other shows and movies. This was also prime opportunity to use this time to watch things that Benji doesn’t find totally repulsive and vomit-inducing….like Desperate Housewives and the latest BBC Drama Literature Adaptation like ‘Bleak House’ or ‘Jane Eyre’. This was my winter vacation, I am ashamed to admit.

I noticed well before Christmas and the New Year vacation arrived that my back was starting to twinge and spasm sometimes when I bent my back. Over the vacation this was (I’m sure) made worse by my Kotatsu and Internet retreat. The pain intensified daily. I even tried venturing outside for an hour-long walk to try and rejuvenate my back muscles. I was surprised at one stage that even over my I-pod I heard my back/pelvis make a rather alarming cracking sound, however the pain refused to die. I found myself suddenly letting out a random shriek or a small scream when my back twanged in public places and I was beginning to walk like Quasimodo. I didn’t fancy being institutionalized over the festive break, so after some recommendations, my friend Nori as translator, I went hopefully to a Chinese Acupuncturist.

It was all rather bizarre. I was first ‘punched’ gently all over in a shiatsu-style type of way then the guy told Nori to tell me that he was gonna stick in the needles. To be honest, I just wanted a Shiatsu massage but the guy wanted to do the needle thing. Most of them I didn’t feel, but occasionally it felt like they stuck them in too deep onto my muscle and I let out a panicky shriek, much to the delight/amusement of the Acupuncturist. Do they live for these reactions, maybe? Sickos. All in all I had 16 needles in my lower back. They attach these vibrating electrode things to the needles and hook them up to this electric-looking device and put a hot heater over you. I felt like a mouse in an experiment.

It was kind of weird and it made me feel a bit sick. The guy kept telling me ‘Kimuchi, Yo’ (Feels good) and I was thinking ‘Erm….no…actually! If you just stuck to the punching thing, that would have been fine!’. I definitely felt suppler for the first five minutes, until it came to putting on my shoes, during which my back twanged again. So basically I was \4,000 (or £20) skinter but no nearer to walking upright confidently. I will try the acupuncture again, but if that fails I’m going go to the doctor and see what he can do. Also, I am going to try and look for a pure Shiatsu masseuse. It’s about time, I’ve wanted one since I got here.

Oh yeah, I thought I’d also mention the fact that I ran over a small child on my bicycle the other day at the local ‘Izumi’ supermarket. I was biking away, listening to my I-pod and this kid ran out from behind a car. My breaks are crap anyway and besides, I had no real time to stop. I rode straight into him and knocked him arse over tit. He was only about three. I know that had that been back home; a knife-wielding parent would have emerged telling me that they would wring my neck and/or phone social services and perhaps a solicitor. Here however, the guy came out and apologized to ME for running over his son and knocking him to the floor, possibly traumatizing him for life. I felt terrible, but there was no coddling and the kid must have been a hard-arse because although he looked stunned, he just hopped back up and went into the supermarket. Gotta love Japanese kids.

I’ll keep you posted as to my Quasimodo back situation…

Read more!

The Green Green Grass of Home

Visiting home with Ben last August was amazing and just the tonic I needed after 8 months without seeing the clan...

First of all, the most surprising thing was that my step-dad who ‘hates all Yanks’ really warmed to Ben. He took it upon himself to educate dear Benji on the customs and colloquialisms of Wales including incredibly detailed explanations on the differences of tone between the insults of ‘Wanker’ and ‘Tosser’, etc. Also, how to greet a local yokel from the Valleys of South Wales…

Valley Boy: O’rite, Butt? (Are you alright, old chap?)
Benji: Tidy butt/Tidy like. (Why yes, I’m very well, thank you for asking).

* ‘Butt’ in Valley-speak comes from the word ‘Butty’ or ‘Bytti’ meaning ‘friend’. ‘Tidy’ is also valleys slang for ‘Cool/Good/Alright/Nice’. ‘Like’ is used as punctuation, sometimes. It is usually used to join sentences like a comma, or as a full stop at the end of a sentence, as opposed to at the start, like in some countries. “I was walking down the street, like…and I saw my butty and ‘ee was with this boy, like…so we went to ‘ave a cupple uh pints and ‘ee was a really tidy boy like...”

I got to sleep in my lush bed which was a real treat and have a continental breakfast of French Goats cheese, English muffins, Parma ham and Italian cheeses every morning if I wanted. I got to eat lots of baked beans and multigrain bread and Branston pickle, which I really miss when I’m in Japan.

One of the most fun things was introducing Ben to new and strange foods that he has never tried before. It was like when you have a little cousin and you teach them to swear or give them a sip of beer or a bar of chocolate when their mother had told you not to. I kept buying things and getting excited because I knew he had never tried them before…like Melton Mowbray Pork Pies, Cornish pasties and Prawn Cocktail crisps.

Against Ben’s better judgment and will, my step-dad forced him to eat one of the scariest things on the U.K breakfast menu – Black Pudding (made of congealed pig/cattle’s blood, suet and spices). Bless him. Bob tried the same thing when I was eight. We weren’t allowed to leave the table until all our breakfast was eaten (including the black pudding), so when Bob left the room my step-brother Justin and I threw it over next-door’s fence into their garden and then claimed we’d finished it – voila!

One day, Benji and I visited the museum of Welsh life in Saint Fagans with my Dad and we went for lunch. My Dad couldn’t believe that Ben had never tried Cider before and since Cider was the new black last year, we tried some ‘Magners’ and my Dad took a photo of Benji trying his first proper pint of cider – it was so cute! Can I just say that if you ever go to the ‘Plymouth Arms’ in Saint Fagans, you simply must try the Steak n Ale pie, it’s a must. The Fish and Chips there were pretty damn good as well…and an American (epic) size portion, no less!

I finally got to meet Taiyo-chan, my new nephew. He is a gorgeous baby and I nearly abducted him and brought him back to Japan. My dogs Tess and Chips are in their winter years now. They were 14 last April, so they really are quite old. Chips is covered in gross growths/dog boils and Tess is fat with cataracts in her eyes. They absolutely reek of dog-old age-bad-oral-hygiene but from a distance or if you hold your breath when you stroke them, you can still appreciate that they are cute.

I was shocked by how tall and grown up my nieces and nephews were. Callum was nearly as tall as me and you could have full on conversations with Ellie-Mae although she was at the stage where she was asking ‘Why?’ all the time. Emily started high school the month after I left. Laura, my eldest niece was planning on going to University. Jesus. So much stuff goes on at home whilst I’m not there.

We got to road trip up to North Wales to go and hike Snowdon Mountain (OK, we’re not that hard-core; we got the train to the summit and then hiked down). The view from Snowdon was…..erm…well I imagine it was lovely but we couldn’t see bugger all due to the thick blankets of fog and misty rain. Bugger. It was quite annoying. After hiking for 2hours though, the fog cleared and we could actually see some nice views. Sodding Welsh Weather.

Benji got to hear Welsh being spoken all throughout North Wales which was probably weird for him. It was nice for me though. The landscape in North Wales is really spectacular. The homes there are amazing, gorgeous little stone cottages built with huge Llanberis stone and Welsh slate, tucked away in dense forests and green hills. We also visited Portmeirion, the Italianette village in North Wales. Again, the weather was crap.

We then drove down to West Wales, although we cancelled our night by the Sea in Tenby because it was cloudy and rainy. We caught up with some of my friends – Rhian and her fiancé Roger who came down from Staffs to see me, Caroline and Lee and their baby Rhydian, Sarah and Rob, Abby and Louise and the recently married Lyn and Helina. I saw my little gay Timmy and Welsh Sam, my friend from Uni. When we were out for dinner with Sam at Las Iguanas in Cardiff, I made the mistake of ordering a Tuna steak. If you have lived in Japan for two years and tried the seafood in Hawaii, this is a big no-no…unless you like feasting on scouring pads.

Seeing all the shops, bars, restaurants, events…It really made me wish I was back in Cardiff. I really missed the city. Even though when I lived there I was always skint! Being home was as always, a great chance to catch up with my mad cousins. I was keen to get Benji accustomed to our Welsh hillbilly way of life. He was, I think pleasantly surprised by our closeness, our crassness and our constant ribbing of each other. I think at one stage he was freaked out at all the volumes of people who came to the house. ‘There are so many people!’, we must have looked like the Corleone family with all that feeding and talking, although admittedly less money and organised crime. He had to go to bed for an hour to recover.

I had a really hard time leaving everyone (again). I knew that I wouldn’t see most of my family for another whole year. Because this is my last year on the JET Programme, I had to save money for University. This means that this year, there will be NO more holidays and/or trips home, until I am home in July/Aug. I am so excited to be coming home. There’s so much more of the U.K I want to see and it’s about time I went over to France, as well. I’ve seen a fair bit of South East Asia, but now I think it’s time to explore what’s in my own back garden….

Read more!